We often think of empathy as a good thing. Being empathetic is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding what they’re going through so you can help them. But it’s also something that can quickly turn into too much of a good thing.
Toxic empathy is very real and occurs when you take on the negative emotions of another person who might be struggling. You might absorb their feelings in an attempt to better understand and relieve some of their burden.
Unfortunately, when empathy becomes too much, it can impact your own well-being. You might put the needs and wants of another person (or people) above your own.
Compassion, on the other hand, is what can truly help someone who is dealing with something overwhelming.
Let’s examine the difference between the two and consider why compassion is often the better choice to avoid emotional overload.
When Empathy Goes Too Far
Empathy isn’t a bad thing when you’re able to feel for someone at an appropriate level. We should all be empathetic to those dealing with struggles, whether it’s a friend or family member or someone across the world struggling with a global tragedy.
However, empathy can go too far when you take on another person’s feelings as your own. There’s a difference between feeling for someone and absorbing those feelings yourself. That can lead to difficulties in your day-to-day life. You might struggle to stay focused, it can impact your relationships, and you can develop other mental health issues like anxiety or depression.
You’re also more likely to neglect your basic needs. Sometimes, that means putting someone else’s needs in front of your own so you’re taking care of them instead of yourself. Too much empathy can be exhausting, emotionally draining, and sometimes emotionally damaging. It’s important to recognize when you might be crossing that line so you can take a step back.
Choosing Compassion
Some people might think compassion and empathy are interchangeable, but there’s a big difference. Empathy focuses more on emotion, while compassion focuses on action. When you’re compassionate about a person’s specific needs, you can still feel for them, but you’re more likely to actually do something about it.
For example, if a family member is sad, you can be empathetic by being sad along with them. They might appreciate it for a while, but it’s not really doing anything to help. Showing them compassion could include taking action to alleviate that sadness. Take them out for a cup of coffee. Help them with some household chores if they’re feeling overwhelmed. Be a listening ear.
Taking Care of Yourself
Showing compassion allows you to make a big difference, whether you’re doing so on a small scale with a friend or taking major steps to do your part in a world crisis, like donating to refugees across the country. Being compassionate also gives you more control of your own emotions. You choose the action you want to take to help rather than letting the negative emotions surrounding an event or situation overtake your own.
There are ways to show healthy empathy. Being an active listener, validating someone’s feelings, and considering other perspectives and biases are all great beginning points that can help you see where someone is coming from. But once you understand those things, choose to switch toward compassionate action rather than allowing yourself to dwell on negative emotions.
If you’re having a hard time with that, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. Therapy can help you better understand the differences between empathy and compassion so you can be better equipped to regulate your emotions while caring for others.
Through Therapy Collective
Our team of culturally competent therapists is here to offer a warm and safe space to help you navigate life’s hardships with a sense of encouragement and empathy. Find out more >
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