If you were hungry as a child, you depended on your primary caregiver to feed and nurture you. Your primary caregiver was also expected to provide you with shelter and make sure you were safe and healthy. There are basic needs like food, water, and shelter that are expected of all human beings.
While these are physical necessities, emotional necessities are extremely important as well. The emotional connection between a child and their primary caregiver can stay with a child throughout their lifetime. If the connection between a child and their primary caregiver is negative or their needs aren’t met, it can lead to attachment issues or trauma.
Unmet childhood needs might be affecting your relationships. Here’s how to cope if this is the case.
Codependency
Codependency is a type of relationship where one partner is significantly reliant or dependent on their partner. This type of relationship is one of the biggest risks of unmet childhood needs. Relationships should be mutually beneficial for both partners. They require give and take from both sides. Unfortunately, when unmet childhood needs are at play, the relationship between two partners can feel one-sided.
Lack of Vulnerability
It’s common in all types of healthy relationships to trust your partner enough to let your guard down and be vulnerable with one another. This is another area of relationships that someone with unmet childhood needs can find a bit more challenging. The lack of connection with their primary caregiver can make it difficult for them to feel like they can open up and be emotionally or physically intimate with their partner.
Low Self-Esteem
They say that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. Unfortunately for individuals with unmet childhood needs, low self-esteem can be common. These unmet childhood needs can leave someone feeling like they’re not good enough. Low self-esteem can lead to other issues like mental health disorders, eating disorders, substance use and abuse, and unhealthy relationships.
Poor Communication Skills
Communication is key in any and all types of healthy relationships. Communication skills don’t come as easily for someone who has unmet childhood needs. Since their needs weren’t met, they’ll have a harder time communicating their wants, needs, and feelings out of fear of being let down again. Your relationship with your partner won’t be able to grow if you’re unwilling to communicate with them. Communication, even in times of conflict, can help you and your partner better understand one another and where each of you are coming from. The more you’re willing to openly communicate with your partner, the stronger your relationship you have together will be.
Unhealthy Boundaries
Boundaries may seem like a harsh ask, but they’re actually something that is beneficial in all types of healthy relationships. Difficulty setting boundaries or having unhealthy boundaries is a common occurrence among individuals with unmet childhood needs. It can be hard to find and maintain a healthy relationship if you feel like you can’t set boundaries or that boundaries don’t apply to you. Either way, these behaviors can lead to unhealthy relationships.
How to Cope
Your past makes you into the person that you are today. It may feel easier to leave the past in the past, but sometimes reflecting and working on your past-self can help you move in a healthier direction again. If some of these points hit a little too close to home, it may be time to seek additional support through a mental health professional. Therapy can be a great resource if you’re looking to better understand your past and work towards improving yourself and your relationship.
Reach out today to see how we can help you and your relationship become healthier again. We offer individual and couples counseling services.
Through Therapy Collective
Our team of culturally competent therapists is here to offer a warm and safe space to help you navigate life’s hardships with a sense of encouragement and empathy. Find out more >
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